Sex is something that is discussed only in hushed voices among the Muslim community. It is notwithstanding the fact that it is something that binds two individuals, Islamically speaking, married couple in Muslim societies and thus their family –it is simply a taboo to openly discuss it.
Many people don’t really like to talk on the issue despite having problems in their bedrooms, notwithstanding the fact that many a times it leads to frictions, quarrels and psychological disorders among both, the man and the woman. Women are not expected to speak out, due to socially accepted dogmas that seem to have become a part of unwritten family ‘protocols’.
To be fair, this is not unique to Muslim societies alone and is rather based on a society controlled by conservative values and dogmas, instead of modern values and scientific temperament. In South Asia, What can be said of a Muslim household, can be said of most of other homes coming from similar socio-economic background.
The issue is steeped in so much secrecy that women are not expected to discuss the issue with their husbands, but also seek medical advice if they don’t feel satisfied in the course of love-making. While Muslim ulama have written huge amount of content on how to seek sexual satisfaction for men, the issue of sexual satisfaction for women has been rarely discussed in their theological discourses.
The book, The Muslimah Sex Manual; A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex, seems to be a very timely effort to take care of an important issue. The author, By Umm Muladhat, writes,
“Two years ago, I was congratulating a young Muslimah on her engagement. She was thrilled about starting married life and you could see the happiness emanating from her as everyone gave her their best wishes…A few months later, I could tell something was wrong”.
“After some cajoling, she shyly admitted the truth. Her sex life was horrible. In fact, it was fast becoming non-existent. She had been a model Muslimah her entire life. Before marriage, she had never so much as held a non-mahram’s hand, let alone become physically intimate with one. She had eagerly looked forward to marriage as a chance to finally indulging in all the physical intimacy she had postponed for the sake of Allah…But it wasn’t working”.
“Coming from the medical field, she knew all the relevant biology. She could draw and label all the parts of male and female anatomy. She had taken fiqh classes and knew the legal rulings of menstruation and intercourse…But she didn’t know sex…Oh, she knew the mechanics. Insert penis into vagina. Climax. Withdraw. But she didn’t know how to make her husband yearn for her in bed. She didn’t know what he liked. She didn’t even know what she liked! They had begun eagerly but after a few weeks, realized that neither of them was truly enjoying having sex with each other”.
“And so began my impromptu sex skills workshop. I threw at her all the information I’d gathered over years of marriage. Things I’d learned from experience, tidbits I’d gleaned from friends, tips I’d picked up from magazine articles. One thing here, two things there. All those bits had accumulated into a very healthy and robust sex life between me and my husband. I gave her everything, fervently hoping that it would help her in her marital life.
“A month later, I saw her again. This time she had a gigantic smile on her face. “Please, write this down and share it with other Muslim girls. No one teaches this. We’re thrown into marriage and only know the fiqh and the biology…I wrote down everything I told her on a Word document and emailed it to her. She shared it with her friends who were newly married. They shared it with their friends. Before long, word trickled back to me that people were asking me to write a book on the subject”.